Saturday, July 14, 2007

Relocated..

Previously, i revamped our blog to anticipate his blog entries.

For now, i've relocated to http://an-ugly-duckling.blogspot.com/ :)

Nevertheless, this Mocha-Latte blog will not be deleted. It records the details of our live together as one entity..

One day.. if this love has another chance.. this blog will be "re-borned" :)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

tong hua

its been a long time since the radio played this song. coincidentally... they played it this morning 7am. hearing the song.. simply brought back memories... with lots of tears.

this song was part of our r/s.

He was looking for this song.

I was also looking for this song.

This started off our msn conversation.. and kicked start this r/s..

He concluded that "tong hua brought us tgt.."

*Enjoy this song.. for it is the song of our love life......................... (i cant help but cry..it hurts)

Torn.......

i cant get to sleep. i kp reading my prev post and tears un. my heart is tearing. i can only pour my thoughts here.. thanks for all the concern..

I would def be lying to say that im okie.. deep down, i feel, torn apart. (pls dun ask me how i am.. i tink i'll jus breakdown and cry..)

"whats yours is yours.." --> is this true? i dun wish to believe in this. love is selfish. if i dun fight for it.. i'll lose everything, which i jus did.

"there's no turning back.." --> why.. why..why.. if the love has not fade away..?

2 parties, love each other, no 3rd party involved, but surrender to circumstances..

tmr.. i'll go to work with swollen panda eyes. (who cares bout how i look now.. for i've lost someone close to my heart).

it doesnt matter bout how my grades are, how much $$ i earn.. cos grades & $$ can nv buy happiness... the love, was priceless.

why did fate do this to us................

he's coldness is really affecting me. for someone i love so deeply... suddenly talk to u in a hostile cold manner... it hurts....................

i hate how i feel right now. i cant sms him. i cant msn him. i cant email him. this is the only place where i can pour out my feelings.. and if heaven feels our love, he'll be able to read my msg to him..

(pls dun cry dear.. my heart feels the pain.. you're not to blame for this outcome..)

*i cannot bear to ... wish you happinesss in future... for i hope this happiness is shared between you and me...

[tears in heaven] who will understand how i feel now............. ............ *cries* Qi Shi Hai Ai Ni...

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

A Letter from Me to You..

We met. it was a good heart to heart talk. i wish we had talked things out properly earlier. things might not have end up this way..

fate played a trick on us.

He had made up his mind, to put this r/s to an end. When his mind is made up.. nothin will change. It hurts in my heart.. but.. helpless i was, i could not do anything. I had a part to play.. for this unsuccessful r/s. The love is there.. but perhaps, we didnt communicate properly, leading to many mis communications.. mis understandings.. assumptions..

It made me learn a lesson. the number of times i got angry with him.. the number of times i assume unnecessary things.. the number of times i said things which i did not mean.. this was the price i had to pay. Its a painful price.. for there's no more chances given to us..

i felt the need to sms-ed his mum last nite. (it wouldnt be right for me to jus MIA lidat?) After all.. she really took great care of me, treating me as good as a daughter-in-law. I let her down..

"Dear aunty & uncle, thank you for loving and taking care of me this 2 yrs. You have been really understanding and i really appreciate it. I will definitely miss both of u, (ah ma, sa yi, shui gu & 2nd aunt), our sundays lunch together, the weekly chicken soup cooked with lots of love, and will always miss wilson. take good care."

I will definitely miss all of them.. thank you for treating me like part of your family :)

I looked back at our entries.. with tears, for i can only blame myself for such outcome. A fairytale which started off so pure and blissful.. had to have an ending.


Dear,


Thank you for coming down to meet me today. I really appreciate the effort. I had a good talk with you. I wish we had communicate more earlier.

My heart really teared, to know your decision. It was a good 2.5yrs of memories.. good memories. Life is not a bed of roses.. there's ups and downs. We promised to go thru thick n thin with each other.. but, circumstances tore us apart.

I think bout the day we got together on 1st Mar 05, 2330. & till this day.. i hav not regretted saying "yes" to you. It was not an anyhow-choice. It was a choice of mutual feeling we had for each other. Tat particularly nite.. you happily told ya mum "ma i got gf le!". next moment, u asked me "so when are u going to meet the gohs n teos?". It was a nice feeling.. stil vivid in my mind. It seems like it jus happened yesterday..

We skipped class and drove to West Coast Park jus to have breakfast together. You wanted to get me sweets, but did not know what flavour i like, and so ended up getting all the 5 flavours.. and get laughed by at our friends. i bought you food, and you got teased by our friends, "why he have, i dun have?"

We nicknamed ourselves "bobo & chacha" and then to "mocha & latte".. it was a symbol, of us.

We travelled far.. but a pity, our love did not withstand time.

I tried to hold back my tears in the car, but i could not. I'm sorry.

There's many things i will miss of u. Old chang kee, sakae sushi, kinokuniya, botak jones, durian puff, katong laksa, hongkong cafe, Saturday's nite anime, Sunday's chicken rice, bah chor mee, prata, mango pomelo, making sandwiches for u, Saturday's nite with ya frens, watchin soccer, chilling out, playing polka, eating supper and growing fat, our yearly bbq during xmas, your outfield training, your overseas training, sending & welcoming u back home, finding the cheapest parking space.... the list never ends.

You never failed to cheer me up whenever i'm feeling down, but i did not treasure it. I had many negative thoughts within me that cause all the unhappiness in us. If there's one thing i regret.. it would be saying things that i did not mean to u. Regrets will always remain as regrets..

You made yourself and your parents proud, by first entering into OCS & then graduating it. It was something u deserve. It was a tough journey.. but your hard work paid off. Believe in yourself, you'll definitely do well. I know you'll study hard and do ya parents proud. It will put more than a smile on their face :) You know, i really miss fetching u from the airport.. It makes me feel that u have done sth proud for the nation :)

I thought we would be able to go thru this next stage of life together..

It is going to be tough, to handle this. I look at our photos.. from the start of our journey.. till now. Fort Canning Park, Mount Faber, Cosy Bay, Esplanade, Botanic Garden, Hong Kong, Commissioning Parade, Commissioning Ball, Cruise, Cote Dazur, East Coast Park, Disney on Ice, Prom Night, Sentosa, Little Bali, Rochester Park, Sky Garden, Waffletown.........

There will not be anyone who will pose funny pictures with me, stick out the tongue with me, laugh with me.. tell me cold jokes.. make funny faces to cheer me up...

I hope you'll miss the times we had together, cos i'll definitely miss it. After all... you were someone dear to me. Saturday nites, i'll miss watchin the anime with u.. drinkin my lemon barley & u drinking dairy milk. You never fail to kiss me goodnite even if i doze off earlier than u.. Sunday morning, i'll miss your cute bubbly eyes looking at me saying "morning baby!! hungry??". Our usual chicken/ duck rice for lunch with ya parents & a gd talk wif dem :) and then washing the orange baby tgt..

& of cuz.. my big bolster.. the cute moo moo, the winnie the pooh plush toy, and not forgetting, your smelly smelly ah bu =p Mum bought a bigger bed for us, but i disappoint her.. im sorry.

My heart hurts, to see u cry. I feel helpless, for i can no longer do anything to change your decision. It pains me, cos u told me u still love me. & that u bothered bout me, thats why u came down to see me. This journey together.. made me felt the meaning of true love. Thank you, dear.
I have seen you strong & weak, in & out. Dun let circumstances fail you down alrite? Moments when you are down and/ or feeling stressful, dun despair cos i'll always be watching over u :) Keep that ring that has us engraved, for it will remind you that "Jac loves Wil". This will always stand true. I hope it will make u happier, for I will do the same too. :)

You were someone whom i could confide about anythg. You were more than a bf.. you were as good as my soul mate. We could read each other's mind but always claim that we dun hav telepathy ;) If you could read my mind now, you'll know that my heart still beats for u.

You don't have to feel guilty, for i had a part to play in this too. Dun have to write a letter to my dad okie? We will get his understanding.. :)

Many things on my mind. Many things i wan to say..

i re-read your blog from Nutang previously. This poem will be an exclusive one:

*Sing to the rythem "ah mei ah mei ji shi bai jia zhuang, wo ji de kuai fa kuang.......I dunno the title of the song but it has a cute rythem..

[Oh Baby baby u let me in ur life

I feel like it is to nice

Oh Making me feel like a clown beside

Beside the angel in my eyes

Oh Hong Kong Hong Kong is a test of hearts

A test for both of us T

empers flies in the rainy sky

I'd never say gd bye

Oh Baby Baby what can i say?

Thank u for a great 4 days.. ]

It was a hard goodbye jus now. Its probably the last time i wld get to see u.. I dunno if u wld still wan to see me..

The hug was.. unbearable. I wish i could not let u go.. Your tears were true, i could feel it. You know, when u smile.. i smile.. and when u cry.. i cry..

Your last words "i love you" will always remain etched in my heart. Thank you for being part of my life.. I am sure u noe, the door to my heart is always open for you. Someday, sometime, i wish you would still give our love another chance :) I dunno when, but, i still pin some hope..

(As darkness falls.. lonely night sets in... tears rolll....)

MY FAMILY & I WILL DEFINITELY MISS YOU. LOVE YOU, DEARLY.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

EMO..

I hate myself for being an emotional freak.

I hate the fact how i nv fail to hurt him with my senseless accusations.

I hate the way I would deny his love for me after all this years.

I hate myself.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

when stress outbeats u..

Sometimes when you get too involved in work.. you tend to overlook certain (good) things that has happen and in your mind, its only negative stuffs? like neglected.. unappreciated..

Thats me..

1st week of July just passed & many things hav happen @ work. the word stress is an under-statement. The unbearable stress @ work led to many unnecessary worries..

sigh..

I guess deep down.. gals just wan to be loved & pampered? esp during bad times..? simply, i wish he was there for me.....

life is never a bed of roses?

i hope this "thru thick & thin, we'll stand by each other" is and will always be valid.. :/

crossing my fingers that de wkend will be a happier one. it will be right hubby? (",)

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Cheer Up!!!

Attention Attention!!

cHeeR uP!! just Tahan the work month of july!!! it will be over soon!!!!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Some pictures..

one of the picnic weekend @ Sentosa with hubby's frens :)

eating.. frisbee-ing.. soccer-ing.. captain ball-ing.. ;p

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last weekend was spent to visit hubby's grandma after her mini operation :) bought durians while waiting for hubby. i thought since im not getting any bird nest/ essence of chicken for his grandma, better bring some food there at least?

bah. kena 'scolded' by hubby the moment i entered the car... cos of the durian making de car smell!! boohoo~ see see the car so impt liao lah! hehehe.

thank goodness de durians were good! hubby eat until so shiok (hor??) :):) it was worth the 'scolding' den! hehe... =p nice stuffs are worth sacrificing for? hehehehe!

Sunday.. picked Jo & Emi up for lunchie @ Swensens :)

the sweet sisters with their drinks =p

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us exploring the hotel :)

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ice creammm~~!!!

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26/6 Tuesday
headed to Chong Qing Steamboat @ Liang Seah St. steamboat with the gals... taken before we get too "hot"! hehehe...

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She is de gal.. whom i mention earlier in my post.. gonna miss her after she leaves de co *cries*

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27/6 Wednesday
took 1/2 day to have my hair snip! it was a good short break... to relief a bit of stress =p it def feels good.. to have a lighter weight on my head, and to be in town wen everyone's working! hehehe... *grin*

hubby brought dinner over after his sch's orientation & had a nice chat over dinner, before we slack on de couch... =p

heh cut both my fringe and back length! :) saw so much of the hair chopped off!! =(

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looking forward to de weekend (again)... come July, its gonna be torture @ work for me!

sigh, i so dread it................. :(

P.S. Thanks for coming over dear! Your presence meant a lot to me.. ;)

Monday, June 25, 2007

Stress

Its only Monday, but feels like Friday..

Recently, the urge to leave tis place is getting stronger.. i hope i can hang on.. till i-dunno-wen. i dun wan to keep switching jobs, but really.. its gonna be unbearable.. very soon.

I was running a fever on Friday nite. wen to visit the doctor on Saturday. was better after medication.. but today, de fever came back (to visit me). here... no such thing called welfare.. despite being feverish, i wasnt allowed to go off for even a short while to visit the clinic.

a lot of things boiling inside me. my boss is getting more n more unreasonable.. i brokedown despite how much i controlled..

I cancelled my supposedly yoga-session with Jo..

my whole body was feeling like a heater but my hands were shivering. my heart started beating v quickly. i felt very giddy. den i started vomiting. took a cab down after work wif de company of my collg. to make matters worst, de cab was so jerky. thankfully i was de first patient..

i had a painful jab on my butt. it hurts badly.. :(

fever was @ 39.1 degree. now i have to measure my temp every 2 hrs.. if it reaches 40 degree, i hav to bring myself to the hospital. sigh, parents arent home at all! *argh* how to bring myself to de hospital ?? :(

sigh sigh.

wen sth bad happens.. every bad things happen!

another work day tmr.. *cries*

feeling very stress ......... ......... ...........

Friday, June 22, 2007

Thankful :)

i had a long tiring day today.. alas, de wkend is nearing! hee =p

today's a happy day, cos i found back an old fren.. one whom we have not contacted for long cos of some misunderstandings.. its been 2 yrs?

im jus so glad we're now back to normal.. cos i reali treasure this once-lost frenship.

Off to bed! *snooze*

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Wilson aka botak aka bomberman is back!

Aloha! Alright, i know i've been missing in action for the past.. oh well, couple of years? Really been hectic schedule since the day i enlisted till now that i've ORDed, and waiting to start schooling again.. this post will just be an introduction from ME to the OUTSIDE world stating that.. WILSON GOH is back in action! CheeRs~

Plan to journalize my Army exp (w/o pics cos i am still liable to the army for another 10 days), yesh~ the whole TWO yrs of my army life in on entry.. LOl ~ Pls pls anticipate tge arrival of my 2 Year long journal exp in one entry.. Kaoz I sound like selling something.. MLM ! wahaha.. GG for another gym session with My Gay Boi Desmond Lim!

Recently been having some problems, friends/family/Relationship.. Haiyo..

Attn: Dearie..

Baby, think by the time u see this, we shld have finished our dinner, ur safely back home while i am on the way home.. hope things turn out fine later when i go pick u up.. Ytd sorry for not calling.. Mood really not good.. Don't sad liao alright?